Wednesday, June 25

This is something i wrote years back when an important episode in my life suddenly went blank I came upon it accidentally yesterday.

How would you feel if you read an exciting thousand page novel only to find that some freak had torn of the last chapter? Angry? Frustrated? Flipped out? How about loving someone for years and then be told, 'go to hell'? The life I led till now has suddenly become a pointless struggle. Dreams I caressed to sleep every night will return to haunt me again and again. The photos I collected and the little sovereigns of love that i had put safely in my drawer stares back at me with a pitiful smile. They seem to be waiting happily to be burned. The logic behind all my choices in life has vanished. Everything I believed to be right has summed up to a big zero of pain.
It was not because I didn't have backbone that the gifts I sent h
er were anonymous. I thought I could keep postponing the doomsday for ever. But fate cannot be stopped no matter how much you plead with it. Now I know why men drink. It gives them the courage to cry, at least an excuse to cry. But the hot whiskey wakes up all those question you had put to sleep. You find yourself face on with the realities you have run away from always. The doubts, the questions, their answers everything mingles up forming a maze that reaches back at the starting point which ever way your thoughts travel. Someone please tell me how to end this havoc in my brain. If I had an axe, I would have chopped my head into smithereens so that at least I can have a little clarity of thoughts by attacking only one fragment of question at a time. The biggest blow has been to my esteem and self-worth. I will never be confident again. I have no idea where I went wrong. I did my best and still, my failure was huge.
Of course I can move on. Once a friend of mine had said, "two boobs to hold and a hole to drill is all I need". But I had believed love is platonic, sacred. Might be he was right and I was wrong...

7 comments:

Srav said...

Nice powerful n strong post.. i loved the way its written and the pain is obvious.. :).. u just got urself a blog reader!

Anonymous said...

hey..
+ve
very effective
strikes u on the face
a really good beginner u are!!

-ve
be careful about the grammar!!

i loved the post! :)

Alone in the rain... said...

yeah, i'll keep that in mind. Nyway, thanks sis...

g3 said...

this is definitely strongly expressed. you have a great talent for emotive writing. but if you want to turn this into a story, it must have a central theme and you should weave everything you write, even a punctuation mark, into the expression of that theme.i know you can do it; so try.

on the down side, you need to read more and pay attention to your grammar and usage, as in, certain words mean the same but they are, more often than not, used in a different context.

i'm infamous for being too critical of writing, so pardon me if i put you off (you did ask for it, by the way :P) :)

try a hand at focusing on external details as well. we had a story 'Cat in the rain' in our English textbook remember? try that technique.

love ya and keep writing
:)

Ashish said...

dey enthu patti.. tell me. im der for u

Anonymous said...

like the way u express.
\'But I had believed love is platonic, sacred. Might be he was right and I was wrong...'
i donno...mayb wot made luv sacred , was that it is given without ny demands whatsoever. giving nly to give & not wondering wen u wld get it keep. in that case , u r not wrong.:)

Sumi Mathai said...

an excruciating pain is wat left with me.
im sorry tom.
really i am.