I'm Rich. I'm Happy

I was at the pub today. After sometime a soft melody started playing in the background of all the noises and shouting. The table next to mine fell silent . Everyone was listening keenly. The poet was comparing his beloved to a peacock dancing in the rain. I couldn't help laughing out. The poet is gay. Only male peacocks dance. Pub is one place where you don't owe an explanation for things you say. That's why I go to pubs even though I don't drink. So many paranoids at one place. I enjoy being in a pub. And I always laugh out loud. Whether it be during some touching scene in a movie or when I'm in a mosque or be it at my neighbour's funeral. I get a lot of "You mad?" and "Shut the fuck up" stares. That's when I start laughing even more harder. I can't stand the effort people put in to look better before others. It's too hilarious. I'm no more invited for any serious occasion. And I'm the person happiest about it.

It's not possible to help wondering why people keep worrying about the meaningless things in life. Stuff like love are so worthless and trivial. You disagree? I don't care. I would spent my day alone at some % star hotel rather than in a "romantic" boat in a "beautiful" sea with some stupid female who is good for nothing other than her doggies. Blonds are abundant in this world and are just a phone call away. I'm not sorry that I'm not imaginative in a hypocritical way. Even you were born in a moment of lust. Parents are also selfish. They wanted someone to look after them in their old age. I did that duty till my parents passed away. They got a decent funeral because they were rich and also because I was not the only child. I feel funerals are a waste of time and cash.

I inherited a shopping mall from my parents. On the first of every month I collect the rents to pay my bills and credit card dues. I live in a lodge near the mall. I don't have anything to do. So I read the entire day. I don't love reading. Nothing makes you fall asleep faster than a book. I also observe people. The day my neighbour Mrs Elizabeth was attacked and robbed, I knew some thief was waiting for her in her apartment. They had turned off the bathroom light she leaves on every day. She was never of any assistance to me. And I got a better burglar alarm also. I didn't take the pain to call the cops. I say 'hi' to the people who say 'hi' to me and I glare back at those who glare at me. It doesn't make me either happy or sad. But ladies and food does make me happy.

I was not always like this. I used to have a warm heart that used to bleed very often for lots of stupid reasons. People who know me better address me as 'Dr. Melvin'. I got a PhD in human psychology. But my girlfriend chose to marry the guy with piercings all over his heads. I gradually learned to be impassive to everything. The lady is supposed to take the money and leave before I get up the next day. And its always preferable to have different meals everyday. I eat at a restaurant in my mall. Food they serve is delicious and free. I believe in happiness and goodwill, not in money. So I repay a favour. I don't take rent from them. Getting richer is not my intention. People say money spoiled me. I don't want my children to face the same complaint. Right now I don't have any children. Few months back a female I had slept with told me she was pregnant. She threatened to go to court. She wanted money. I invited her to share my miseries. I told her I was ready to marry her. She got freaked out and got an abortion.

I know every single trick somebody can have up their sleeves. Be it the political pimp who confuses with religion and politics or the spiritual leader who resorts to street magic to charm the devotees or the businessman who wishes to feast everyday on somebody else's fall. I know the answer to every problem. But I don't see a point in sharing it and arguing for it. I'm happy the way I'm. The way you feel is not going to give me any pain. I understand how silly it was of me to burn my head and come up with solutions to the issues of the mankind. It took time and experience to realize that I didn't have to bother at all. And that was the greatest of all knowledge. The world will be ideal with a lot of people like me who believe in giving and taking. Why should I take all the trouble to change the world? I'm not going to gain anything in return. My life can't be better. Petrol and coal will live longer than me. Polar ice won't melt anytime soon. And we also ... Screw it. You won't understand. Why should I make you realize it is not worth it to try and solve somebody else's trouble. That is your problem. Find a solution if you want. I'm rich. I can buy anything I want. I'm happy in my ignorance. God save the mankind.

-Melvin